Live To Write '09
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Live To Write '09

Olin College Creative Writing '09 Forum
 
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 a chunk of psychic landscape

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Dangerous

Dangerous


Posts : 23
Join date : 2009-09-22
Age : 33

a chunk of psychic landscape Empty
PostSubject: a chunk of psychic landscape   a chunk of psychic landscape EmptyTue Oct 20, 2009 10:07 am

A bird in the bush
Is worth two in the hand
The blackberry scratches
Stinging,
Painful but the fruit
Is
So
Sweet.
A rustle
a leaf moves
As a bird flies out
In a whir of wings and feathers
One cloud in the sky,
Unmoving.
As the earth,
Our mother,
Rotates beneath us
And we speak with one voice
And try to find each other
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Moonbeam




Posts : 46
Join date : 2009-09-22

a chunk of psychic landscape Empty
PostSubject: Re: a chunk of psychic landscape   a chunk of psychic landscape EmptyTue Oct 20, 2009 10:19 am

I really like this as a description of a moment. The words are beautifully chosen. However, one thing to change: line breaks feel a little arbitrary. I'd be interested to see a version of this written with the same words, but different line lengths to aid flow.
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