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 a chunk of psychic landscape

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Posts : 23
Join date : 2009-09-22
Age : 28

PostSubject: a chunk of psychic landscape   Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:07 am

A bird in the bush
Is worth two in the hand
The blackberry scratches
Painful but the fruit
A rustle
a leaf moves
As a bird flies out
In a whir of wings and feathers
One cloud in the sky,
As the earth,
Our mother,
Rotates beneath us
And we speak with one voice
And try to find each other
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Posts : 46
Join date : 2009-09-22

PostSubject: Re: a chunk of psychic landscape   Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:19 am

I really like this as a description of a moment. The words are beautifully chosen. However, one thing to change: line breaks feel a little arbitrary. I'd be interested to see a version of this written with the same words, but different line lengths to aid flow.
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a chunk of psychic landscape
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