Live To Write '09

Olin College Creative Writing '09 Forum
 
HomeHome  CalendarCalendar  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 a chunk of psychic landscape

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Dangerous

avatar

Posts : 23
Join date : 2009-09-22
Age : 28

PostSubject: a chunk of psychic landscape   Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:07 am

A bird in the bush
Is worth two in the hand
The blackberry scratches
Stinging,
Painful but the fruit
Is
So
Sweet.
A rustle
a leaf moves
As a bird flies out
In a whir of wings and feathers
One cloud in the sky,
Unmoving.
As the earth,
Our mother,
Rotates beneath us
And we speak with one voice
And try to find each other
Back to top Go down
http://peaceloveetc.etsy.com
Moonbeam



Posts : 46
Join date : 2009-09-22

PostSubject: Re: a chunk of psychic landscape   Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:19 am

I really like this as a description of a moment. The words are beautifully chosen. However, one thing to change: line breaks feel a little arbitrary. I'd be interested to see a version of this written with the same words, but different line lengths to aid flow.
Back to top Go down
 
a chunk of psychic landscape
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Tray landscape (giant saikei)
» Large, old rescued landscape boxwood....
» How is love LANDSCAPE STONE ...
» Chinese landscape
» Wolves change the landscape :-D

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Live To Write '09 :: Poetry Exercises-
Jump to: