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 Retreat to Desire

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Mike240



Posts : 38
Join date : 2009-09-22

PostSubject: Retreat to Desire   Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:24 am

Michael Sullivan

In my sophomore year of high school, my best friend and I went on a sophomore retreat with the rest of our class. We arrived at a small campground equipped with a large cabin, a few basketball courts, and a picnic area. After suffering through the mandatory recitation of the rules, Christine and I separated from the group and went off to explore the more secluded part of the camp. While we walked, we stumbled upon a small beach. This beach was rather peculiar, as right in the middle, there was a sand bar that stretched into the water, surrounded by ducks and pointing directly away from the shore. We walked, together, down this strip of sand.

“It’s really nice out here,” she said, walking farther out towards the water, “the sun is really beautiful today.” I lagged behind her, looking down and observing her footprints instead of replying. I knew what I could use this moment to do, but at the same time, I couldn’t stop thinking about all that could go wrong. Finally, after a long and crippling silence, she turned around and looked at me. I smiled at her, and she smiled back, the sun behind her shining as brilliant as ever. In her eyes, though, I caught a glimpse of what was on my mind. When we walked back to our class, our continued silence told me I was right; it was a moment come and gone, and since that day, though our friendship has grown, I am plagued by the thought of what could have been.
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Dangerous

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Posts : 23
Join date : 2009-09-22
Age : 27

PostSubject: very nice   Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:27 am

This is really good. I feel like it could be a passage from a longer story.
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Foundry H The



Posts : 52
Join date : 2009-09-22

PostSubject: Re: Retreat to Desire   Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:31 am

What if she still has a crush on you?
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AHSE Capstone

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Posts : 58
Join date : 2009-09-22

PostSubject: Re: Retreat to Desire   Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:33 am

What if she still harbors feeling for you to this day?

What would you do if that moment happened again?

What if the earth had three suns?
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maryshelley



Posts : 44
Join date : 2009-09-22

PostSubject: Re: Retreat to Desire   Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:34 am

you are a natural story-teller. what if seems to be the question you are asking yourself here, so I hardly want to ruin it with my own what if, but here goes: what if it started to rain and the two of you sought shelter under a tree and the what if got larger and larger and more and more tantalizing and yet... nothing happened. or, what if, in the end, she got tired of waiting around and made a pass at you?
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Alis grave nil, pax



Posts : 25
Join date : 2009-09-22

PostSubject: Re: Retreat to Desire   Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:36 am

You are already asking yourself the question. This has great potential as a short story.
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Mike240



Posts : 38
Join date : 2009-09-22

PostSubject: Re: Retreat to Desire   Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:40 am

I may be asking the what if already, but feel free to suggest other what ifs! Like, what if she tripped and fell in the water, and proceeded to swim away and I never heard from her again?
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MANN



Posts : 22
Join date : 2009-09-25

PostSubject: Re: Retreat to Desire   Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:42 am

What if for years afterward she pursued you and made it easier and easier for you to act on it? Would you do it? Could you do it?

What if a giant man-eating duck came and bit her leg off and you had to rip your shirt off and tie it to her leg to stop the bleeding?
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